The Undertaker's Babysitting Adventure
by TakerTakeMe
Summary: COMPLETE! When The Undertaker comes over to babysit my 4 nephews and my little sister, all hell breaks loose!
1. Meet The Kids

**I don't own any WWE superstars, but the kids are real and J. Marie is me!**

_**Chapter 1: Meet The Kids**_

It was 7:59 P.M. on a Friday night and he still hadn't arrived. Of course, he wasn't due until 8:00 P.M. but I'd found that most babysitters try to make a good impression by arriving a little early. Arriving right on time was _not_ going to impress me!

At exactly 8:01 P.M., there was a heavy knock on my door. I opened the door and there he stood. The Undertaker. He was tall and imposing, and his eyes, so intense, burned into mine...

"Welcome to hell... You're late," I said, reaching out to shake his hand.

"Got caught up in traffic. Sorry," he apologized humbly, shaking my hand.

For some reason, the concept of this big man apologizing to me, a young girl of 18 who was just barely 5'5", made me laugh hysterically. I shook my head and walked into the room, expecting him to follow.

"Um, excuse me," he said from behind me. "J. Marie?" I turned around to face him and raised my eyebrow at him.

"Why aren't you in here?" I asked him with narrowed eyes.

"You have to invite me in. I'm a vampire," he admitted, looking sheepish.

"You failed to mention that on your application," I said, crossing my arms. "Why?"

"Because in America, people discriminate against vampires," he said. "And," he went on to accuse, "If I'd told you I was a vampire, you wouldn't have hired me."

"Yes, I would've," I said. "I just would've been sure to order you some fresh blood to accommodate your special needs. Now, why don't you come on inside and meet the animals... I mean, the kids?"

He followed me inside in what seemed to be a state of shock and closed and locked the door behind us.

"Welcome to hell," I said for the second time. He gave me a confused look. "You'll understand... Kids, come on down!"

At first there was complete silence. Then came a low rumble that got louder and closer by the second. Then they came, all five of them, tumbling down the stairs together in a tangled mass of bodies and loud laughing.

"Over here, critters," I called. They ran over to me and lined up side by side, staring up at the Undertaker. "Let me introduce y'all. First of all, kids, this is-"

"The Undertaker!" my little sister Keysia, age 9, said.

"The Deadman!" my nephew Lonzo, age 7, said.

"The _Original_ Deadman!" my oldest nephew AJ, age 9, said, correcting Lonzo.

"The Phenom!" my nephew Randy, age 6, said.

"The American Badass!" my youngest nephew Dino, age 2, squealed.

"Ooooh!" AJ gasped. "Dino said _ass_!"

"You said ass, too," Keysia accused.

"Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass! Ass!" Dino kept repeating.

I looked at the Undertaker and he looked back. "Are you gonna just let them say ass?" he asked me.

"Well, this can be considered training for you," I said. "Exhibit your ability to keep them in control. Make them stop."

"Kiddies, I've got candy!" Taker said in a singsong voice.

"We don't give a damn about your candy," Lonzo stated. "We got our own candy, fool."

"That's right! You don't know Dino!" Dino said in his high-pitched baby voice. To emphasize this, he walked over to Taker and kicked him on the leg.

"Back in line, buddy," I ordered Dino. I watched him run back over to the line, and then turned to Taker, who was rubbing his leg. "Offering them candy? I know you can do better."

"Can I have another try?" he asked with a new look in his eyes.

"Mmmm, go ahead," I said, thinking the most devious thoughts as I looked at his lips, which were now smirking.

He nodded, then looked at the five kids before him. "Listen here, _children_. Let me tell you how it's gonna go. _I_ will give the rules, _you_ will listen. Or else..."

"Or else _what_?" Randy asked, hands clenched in tight fists. Of all the kids, he hated being ordered around the most. He was also the most stubborn one.

"Or else, I will suck your blood!" Taker exclaimed. His face transformed. His brow got really heavy and when he bared his teeth, sparkling white fangs glittered in the light. He ripped his shirt off to show his tattooed arms and muscular upper body. "Any other questions?" he asked, taking a step towards the kids.

The kids took a step back, intimidated.

"N-no sir," Keysia spoke up.

"Is that right?" Taker asked. All of the kids nodded. "Good!" he said loudly, causing them to jump. He turned to me. "How was I?" he asked me.

"You... You were awesome!" I said honestly. "Oh, and ripping the shirt off? Nice touch."

"You like the body?" he asked, flexing his muscles for me.

"I love it," I said, stepping closer to him and trailing a finger down his chest.

"Ah, ah. Save it for later," he said, stopping my finger and enclosing my small hand in his larger one. "Why don't you introduce me to the kids so you can get your work done?"

"Ok. First off, these aren't _my_ kids. I don't have any kids," I said.

"I can tell that much. You have a very nice body, very fit. You must exercise a lot."

"You probably do, too," I said.

"Yeah, I exercise until I sweat. But I get my exercise primarily through sex," he said, winking. "Now, back to the introductions."

"Right, right. That's Keysia, my little sister," I said, pointing. "Then there's AJ, Lonzo, Randy, and Dino, my nephews." We went through their ages and hobbies as well.

"This little guy is only 2?" he asked unbelievingly, touching Dino's head.

Dino slapped his hand away. "Yep, just 2," I said, smiling. I looked at my watch and was surprised at what time it was. "I have to get going," I said, walking away to grab my purse. "You little critters be good for the Undertaker," I said, walking over to the door.

"They'll be good if they don't want to get bitten," Taker said as he walked me over to the door.

"Bite me and you won't have a dick," Keysia promised from across the room. Taker and I shared a look, then looked over at my _dear_ little sister. She smiled sweetly at us, then ran up the stairs giggling, with the boys right on her heels.

"Good luck," I told him, smiling sympathetically.

"Could I get a good luck kiss?" he asked with a sneaky smile.

"Ah, sure, why not?" He leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back and he pulled me close against his muscular, bare chest. I pulled back when I heard a loud CRASH. "You're gonna need all the luck you can get," I told him, then left.

**_Chapter 2: Tampon Wars_ coming up soon!**


	2. Tampon Wars

**I don't own any WWE superstars, but the kids are real and J. Marie is me!**

_**Chapter 2: Tampon Wars**_

"Kids!" Taker bellowed, shutting the door after J. Marie left. He locked the door and walked over to the foot of the stairs. "Kids!"

"What the hell do you want, old man?" Lonzo called from upstairs.

"I want you all to come downstairs right now," Taker answered.

"Come upstairs and get us!" Randy called.

"Until then, eat shit and die," AJ finished up, and the kids all giggled.

Taker started to get angry. He never got this angry this fast, not even at work when the wrestlers tormented and taunted him. How could five little kids get under his skin so easily?

"I'm coming up!" Taker warned.

"We ain't scared of you, _Underwear_!" Keysia called. "Why don't you look up here right now?"

Curiously, he looked up to the top of the staircase and immediately he wished he hadn't. He had been greeted with five small, naked asses.

"Ah! My eyes!" he moaned, closing his burning eyes. He couldn't get the image of the kids mooning him out of his mind. J. Marie's ass, he wouldn't have minded seeing. She was legal...and hot. But kids? Now that was just nasty.

"I'm coming up!" Taker yelled, and started bounding up the stairs...only to come rolling back down about halfway there. He sat up on the floor rubbing his forehead. He picked up the object he'd been hit with squarely between the eyes and frowned. A rock.

"We got you down," Lonzo said, twirling something around gleefully.

"Just out of curiosity, what's that?" Taker asked Lonzo.

"My slingshot, fool," Lonzo said.

"Auntie J. Marie's thong," AJ said. "She has millions!"

"Really?" Taker asked, suddenly interested.

"Yeah, but you ain't seeing 'em!" Keysia said. "Come on, boys. We can't let him see her personal items...not _all_ of them, at least."

"Not all of them?" Taker questioned, sitting on the floor in a sort of stupor. He heard a door slam and looked up. The kids were no longer there. "What the hell are you kids up to now?" he called, getting to his feet and leaning against the wall.

Inside J. Marie's locked bedroom upstairs, the kids were in her bathroom raiding her personal female products.

"These things look weird. What do you think she uses them for?" AJ wondered, unwrapping a tampon and examining it carefully.

"I don't know. I think they're cotton balls, only with a stick and a string," Keysia said.

"Don't be stupid, y'all," Lonzo said. "Mama told us that tampons were for ladies when it's _that time of the month_!"

"Big kids are _so_ stupid," Randy said, and Lonzo and Dino nodded their heads in agreement.

"Ah, shut up," AJ said. He turned to Keysia. "What's the plan?"

"First, we're gonna get our ammunition," Keysia said, gesturing with her hand at all the feminine products around her. "Tampons, pads, all this stuff. And then, we're gonna get him!"

Taker banged on J. Marie's locked door. He could easily have broken it down, but he preferred not breaking down people's doors. Instead, he decided to have a little patience and hoped that the kids weren't in there do anything they weren't supposed to be doing. Inside, though, he had the feeling the little runts were doing something bad...

"Open up, kids!" Taker called, hitting the door again. His knuckles were getting sore.

"Sure thing," AJ answered a few minutes later. He looked around and everyone nodded. He opened the door. "Attack!"

"Huh?" Taker asked, raising his eyebrows. "What?"

"You're a dumb ass!" Lonzo said, then used his slingshot thong and aimed for Taker's forehead. Before Taker could cover his face or anything, Lonzo let the tampon fly, and once again he was right on point. The tampon hit Taker right between the eyes.

"No cursing!" Taker ordered, angrily rubbing the spot where the tampon had hit.

"Shut up!" Randy yelled. "You can't tell us what to do!" He aimed with his slingshot thong and pretty soon he hit Taker right on the lips with a wet tampon.

"What the hell? Why's this wet?" Taker asked, wiping his mouth and examining the tampon the kid had just hit him in the mouth with.

"It's toilet water, loser," Randy said. "Now you have toilet water lips!"

"My Auntie J. Marie will never kiss you again," AJ said.

"That's right! Never!" Dino exclaimed, throwing another wet tampon.

"Now is that what this is all about? J. Marie?" Taker asked, confused. "Because you kids are really confusing me!"

"Let me clear things up for you," Keysia said. She stomped extra hard on his right foot, and instinctively he leaned down to rub it and try to ease the pain.

"Ow! Why you little-" he began, but she took advantage of his open mouth and stuffed a dry tampon inside. His eyes widened in surprise at the little girl's boldness.

"Let's make this simple. We don't like babysitters. We only like J. Marie watching us because she's cool and fun," Keysia said. She poked him in the chest. "That means we don't need you."

"Or want you," AJ added. "So you can leave now if you don't want us to be kicking your ass all night."

"I said _no cursing_," Taker growled, spitting the tampon out. He started to transform into a vampire again. All the kids backed up away from him slowly as he stood up. All except Randy, that is. "Now, I hate to resort to the threat of biting you all, but _I will bite you_. I don't make idle threats."

"Bite me then," Randy said, being his usual stubborn self. He stood his ground as Taker walked slowly over to him, fangs gleaming.

"You can't be serious," Taker said, running his tongue across his sharp fangs. "Do you really want me to suck your blood, little boy?"

"The name is Randy," Randy answered. "And your teeth don't scare me. I had the same ones last Halloween."

"I'm a real vampire, boy," Taker said. "And if I bite you, it will hurt like hell."

"Randy, what the hell are you doing? Get over here!" AJ finally said, grabbing his brother by the shirt and pulling him close. "He didn't mean it, Mr. Undertaker, sir," AJ said, and Randy rolled his eyes.

"Here's the plan," Taker began, now having their full attention. "You guys are gonna follow me downstairs. I'm going to lead you into the kitchen. You will behave like obedient, civil children as I serve dinner. Any questions?"

"No," the children said, all in one voice.

"Good. Let's go," Taker said. He felt very satisfied with himself, finally getting the wild kids under control. _J. Marie is gonna be very pleased with my performance_, he thought. And that was the last thing he remembered before his whole world went black...

**_Chapter 3: Welcome To Hell _coming up soon!**


	3. Welcome To Hell

**I don't own any WWE superstars, but the kids are real and J. Marie is me!**

_**Chapter 3: Welcome To Hell**_

Taker opened his eyes and looked around. Everything was sort of dim and blurry until his sight finally sharpened. He tried to stand up but found that he couldn't. He was tied up, and tight at that.

"Damn those kids!" he swore angrily. "Kids! Come untie me!"

"Now why would we do that?" AJ asked, appearing in front of him.

"Because you don't wanna see me mad," Taker said. "I _can_ break out of these ropes, you know."

"Do it. You know you can't, old man!" AJ taunted, laughing as he noticed Taker getting angrier.

"You dare me? Funny!" Taker exclaimed. The transformation was short and sweet, and when it was over he seemed more muscular than ever. He easily stood up, breaking the ropes that had been holding him down.

"Shit!" AJ exclaimed, eyes bulging. Then he ran as fast as he could into the kitchen. "He's coming! He's coming!"

Taker laughed at this as he walked slowly into the kitchen. He didn't plan on hurting the little demons, but he _did_ plan on having a little fun with them... He stepped into the kitchen, baring his teeth in an evil grin. "Now... Who shall I bite first?"

"Welcome to hell, Deadman," came a voice. He looked down. A few feet away from him stood Keysia, smiling sweetly. She showed him her neck. "You can suck my blood."

"Promise?" he asked. She nodded and he took a step closer... Then another... And then on the third step, his eyes widened when he stepped on some kind of trap and was suddenly dangling in midair, upside down from the ceiling.

"Attack!" Keysia called, and the boys ran out with various types of food in their hands. They uttered war cries and started throwing the food at him. Mashed potatoes in his face... Ice cream in his eyes... Pickles bounced off his stomach... Rice trickled through his hair... And then they pulled out the squeeze bottles.

Above him, the ceiling made a creaking noise and as he looked up, small web-like cracks slowly started to appear. He was over 300 pounds, much too heavy to be hanging from a ceiling. The whole thing would fall if he didn't get down soon.

"Kids," Taker began calmly. "Let me down. If you don't, the ceiling will fall down and you'll die."

"We won't die," Lonzo said. "We won't even be in here."

"You'll be in big trouble for destroying Auntie J. Marie's kitchen," AJ said. "She'll never invite you over again."

"Never," Dino cried. He looked around at the other kids in the kitchen, wearing a look that plainly asked, _What are you asses waiting for?_

"Right. Fiiiiiire!" Randy commanded, as if he could read Dino's mind.

All at once, the kids squeezed their bottles. They covered Taker in a variety of things, from ketchup, mustard, butter, mayonnaise, and jelly. In seconds, the bottles were empty and he was covered from head to toe. _They're done_, he thought, but he was sadly mistaken, for as soon as their bottles were empty, they pulled out more bottles and sprayed him mercilessly.

He shook a little, trying to avoid getting hit in the face, and that was when they all heard the telltale creak. All eyes were riveted to the ceiling as the cracks spread out even more, looking like weird veins on the ceiling.

"This crap's about to fall. We gotta blow this Popsicle stand," AJ said.

"AJ's right. Troops, move out!" Keysia ordered. The kids all vacated the room while she looked up at Taker, hanging from the ceiling. "Have a fun fall down into hell!" And then she ran out as well, leaving Taker hanging from the ceiling, where more and more cracks were appearing by the second.

He hated knowing what was about to happen. He contemplated using his claws to tear the rope and let himself free from the ceiling but he knew that either way he would be taking a very long ride down... So he waited for it. And when things started shaking and he started to fall, he didn't even get scared.

The kids were all out in the front yard when they heard the big crash. It sounded like the whole house was falling apart.

"Man! That had to hurt!" Lonzo said a few seconds after the crash.

"He can take it if he's a vampire like he says," AJ said nonchalantly.

"He's a vampire but that doesn't really mean anything. I wonder if he's ok?" Keysia asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

"You're worried about the _thing _that's gonna distract J. Marie from us?" AJ asked her angrily. "You want to share your time with J. Marie with someone like _him_?"

"No," she answered quietly. "But what if we killed him?"

They all looked at each other, eyes wide. They hadn't considered this before. What if they _had_ killed him?

Somewhere below the kitchen floor, things were a mess. Furniture and supplies and everything were piled everywhere. The whole ceiling had indeed caved in, and with so much stuff and such a heavy impact, Taker (and everything else, it seemed) had actually fallen through the kitchen floor and into the basement below...

The kids cautiously stepped back into the house a few minutes after the crash. They walked into the kitchen and saw that the ceiling had fallen through the floor, and that actually kind of freaked them out.

"Where's the Undertaker?" Keysia asked.

"The Deadman?" Lonzo asked.

"The _Original_ Deadman?" AJ asked, correcting Lonzo yet again.

"The Phenom?" Randy asked.

"The American Badass?" Dino asked.

"Dino said ass," AJ said for the second time that night.

"Shut up, ass. There's no time to play games. What if we killed him?" Keysia asked, looking around nervously.

"We just have to go down to the basement and see. Duh," Lonzo said.

"Right. Let's go," AJ said, and he led the way down to the dark basement.

They all looked around. Nothing moved and there was no sign of Taker.

"We killed him!" Keysia wailed. "I can't believe we're murderers and we're still in elementary school!"

"I'm not in school, dummy," Dino corrected. He was pretty smart for a two-year-old.

"Shut up, y'all, and look!" Randy said in a low whisper, pointing towards the middle of the pile of rubble before them.

Something moved. A hand, one huge hand, raised up out of the middle of the rubble. The kids gasped as the hand opened and closed, then shot a bird. It was definitely Taker's hand.

Pretty soon, that hand was followed by an arm, and so on and so forth until Taker threw off the rest of the crap that was holding him down and pulled himself up to his full height in the middle of the junk. He raised his hands up high and the kids thought he was about to beat them, but he wasn't. He was asking for help!

"Why? Why? What have I done to deserve this?" he called up into the heavens (actually up through the kitchen floor, which no longer existed). "I need guidance. These kids are crazy and evil!"

"Who is he talking to?" AJ asked. "God?"

The other kids shrugged.

"No, he's talking to me," an eerie voice said. The kids turned around and were face to face with the devil. He was short, red, and his tail was on fire. The kids were speechless for the first time ever. "Now that we have peace and quiet, let me introduce myself. I am the devil."

"We don't like you," Randy said immediately. "So you need to leave."

"I may need to, but I don't _want_ to, and therein lies the difference," the devil said. He looked the kids over and his eyes landed on Keysia. "My, my, what a pretty little girl."

"Don't even _think_ about it!" Taker said, walking over to them. "Not on my watch."

"You owe me. Are you talking to me, boy?" the devil asked Taker.

"Yeah, I'm talking to you, little man," Taker replied. "Now, you need to leave."

"But Satan Jr. needs a girlfriend and she seems about his size," the devil said, gesturing towards Keysia, who looked frightened. He saw the "no nonsense" look written all over Taker's face. "Ok, I'll make you a deal."

"What kind of deal?" Taker asked suspiciously.

"A pretty fair deal. I'm challenging you to a wrestling match," the devil said simply.

"What are the stipulations?" Taker asked.

"If _I_ win, I get to take this girl _and_ these boys," the devil said. "But if _you_ win, I'll repair this mess for you and leave."

"Ok," Taker said, after thinking about what was at stake for a long time. "You're on, but on one condition."

"Name it," the devil said. "My son is waiting for his girlfriend and his new friends and you're delaying the delivery."

"I get to pick the match."

"Fair enough. What's your choice?"

"Hell in a Cell... On the roof," Taker said. His words echoed off the walls in the basement.

The devil's eyes widened, but he quickly pretended as though he wasn't shocked. "Fine. You're on. Let's do this."

"I'm gonna make you famous," Taker said.

"I'm gonna give you a _proper_ welcome to hell..."

_**Not as good as previous chapters but the next chapter will be better (I hope)!**_


	4. Rooftop Hell In A Cell

**I don't own any WWE superstars, but the kids are real and J. Marie is me!**

_**Chapter 4: Rooftop Hell In A Hell**_

"What are we waiting for? To the roof!" the devil ordered in his annoying and whiny voice.

The kids looked at the devil with fear in their eyes.

"Don't worry, little guys. You won't be going down to hell tonight," Taker assured them. "If anything, you'll just be seeing a little hell in a cell...on the roof."

"Do you promise?" Lonzo asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I promise," Taker replied. "Besides, J. Marie wouldn't like me anymore if I let the devil take you all to hell, would she?"

"Not at all," AJ answered matter-of-factly. "Actually, she would probably kick your ass all over Florida."

"Exactly right," Taker said. He looked at all the kids, then over at the impatient devil. "Ok, devil, let's make this ass-kicking short and sweet. Ready to lose?"

"Yep, you're _definitely_ going to lose, you cocky mortal," the devil said. Then, with a snap of his fingers, they all suddenly appeared on the roof.

Taker and the devil were in the cell with a special referee. Lillian Garcia was standing next to the cage, and J.R. and The King were there to call the match. The kids held onto the cage so they could watch the match close up.

"The following match is a Hell In A Cell Match! Introducing first, from Death Valley, the Legendary Undertaker!" Lillian exclaimed. Taker simply raised one hand in the air and leaned in a corner of the ring. "And his opponent, from the murky depths of hell, the devil!" The devil did a pirouette in the middle of the ring and then did a graceful high kick.

"Boo!" AJ yelled.

"You suck ass, devil!" Keysia called.

"Keep talking! It only gives me motivation, kiddies," the devil said. "Before you know it, we'll all be in hell together eating ice cream. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Hell no," Lonzo answered. "You know there ain't no ice cream in hell, bitch!"

"It's too hot," Randy pointed out.

"Duh!" Dino said, just having to add his little comment.

"And introducing the guest referee, 'The Legend Killer' Randy Orton!" Lillian yelled into the microphone.

"Oh shit," Taker said, realizing that now the decks were stacked against him. He looked at Orton. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"What?" Orton asked innocently. "I'm just trying to referee a match. Problem?"

"Let's just start this," the devil said. "I'm anxious to begin!"

"Go Taker!" the kids yelled. "We believe in you!"

Taker smiled affectionately at the kids, then lunged at the devil and knocked him down. He dominated during the entire match, throwing the devil around like he was a rag doll. The kids all cheered as Taker stood up and signaled for the chokeslam. He stood there waiting as the devil stumbled to his feet, and just as he was about to give him a chokeslam, the devil delivered a vicious low blow. Taker fell to his knees in complete agony, and the guest referee said absolutely nothing.

"That's not fair, assclown!" Keysia exclaimed, taking a word out of Y2J's vocabulary.

"What the hell kind of referee are you?" AJ asked Randy Orton.

"Jackass!" Lonzo called.

"Fucking cheater!" Randy felt compelled to say.

"Ass!" Dino added, frowning and folding his arms across his little chest.

The kids all yelled a string of obscenities to Randy Orton and the devil, but they were largely ignored. Orton decided not to say anything about the low blow, not to even acknowledge it. He just stood back smiling as the devil kicked Taker a couple of times to make him stay down, then climbed to the top of the turnbuckle.

"And now, I shall perform the 5 Star Devil Splash to Hell!" the devil said dramatically. "Prepare to be amazed!"

The kids all watched in horror as the devil prepared to do his finishing move on Taker. But he never did, because Randy Orton did the unexpected. He shook the ropes as hard as he could, and the devil fell, straddling the turnbuckle and probably permanently damaging his crotch in the process.

"Oh my, King! Did you see that?" J.R. yelled. "The devil! Randy Orton just messed up the devil's finishing move!"

"Yeah! The devil hurt his cock, the devil hurt his cock!" King sang happily. His eyes sparkled with laughter as he observed the devil, who was now writhing in pain on the floor of the ring.

Taker got to his feet and ran his hand through his loose hair, looking quizzically at Randy Orton. "What the hell did you do that for?" he asked.

Orton shrugged. "I'm The Legend Killer. I kill legends. It's what I do."

"I would say thanks, but you're still an ass in my book, boy," Taker said, then turned his back on him and turned his attention back to the devil.

The devil stumbled to his feet, holding his hands over his crotch. Tears were streaming down his face, hot, steaming tears. "I give up!" he cried, massaging his manhood. "I'm hurt! I give up!"

"You give up?" Taker asked in disbelief. The devil nodded. "Sorry, I don't like to end matches that way." He then proceeded to deliver one hell of a chokeslam to the devil that left him out cold. Taker covered him for the pin.

Randy Orton started to pound out an agonizingly slooooow three-count.

"Speed it up, fucker!" Lonzo yelled, and Orton glared at him before speeding up the count.

Randy Orton signaled for the bell. Taker got to his feet, and Orton raised his hand in victory.

"We knew you could do it!" Keysia yelled happily as the cell disappeared. The kids all jumped into the ring and ran over to him with outstretched arms.

"Oh no," Taker said, backing up. "No hugging, please! No! Nooooooo!"

The kids all ignored his pleas and hugged him hard. It was funny, really. Just a few hours before, they had been pelting him with toilet-water wet tampons, and now, here they were, hugging the stuffing out of him. It was quite a change of heart, and it was all because of the devil.

Speaking of the devil... He slowly made his way to his feet and leaned in the corner of the ring, trying to regain his composure. He glared at Taker and the excited kids, and couldn't help but roll his eyes in disgust at the affectionate display. "You all make me _sick_!" the devil exclaimed. "Especially _you_, Randy Orton!"

"Me? Oh, but Lucifer, whatever are you talking about?" Randy Orton asked innocently.

"We had a deal, you bitch!" the devil yelled. "You said, and I quote, 'I'm going help to kill a legend tonight!' So what the hell?"

"I did help kill a legend tonight... You," Orton explained. "Now, didn't this match have some special stipulations?"

"Yeah, yeah," the devil said. "I'm supposed to repair this messed up house and leave."

"That's right," Taker said. "So why don't you get to it?"

"Suddenly, I don't feel like doing it," the devil said with a fake yawn. "I'm not really obligated to keep my promises."

"Not obligated?" Keysia repeated unbelievingly. "Yes hell you are!"

"You don't even know what obligated means! None of you little _brats_ know!" the devil exclaimed.

"The word obligated pertains to an obligation, and an obligation is like a duty, something that someone _has_ to do," AJ said. The devil looked at him with wide eyes. "Yeah, _beyatch_, you didn't know I was so smart, did you?"

"So you know what obligated means. So what? That doesn't mean _anything_," the devil exclaimed. "And that _doesn't_ mean that I have to fix this house!"

"What the bloody hell happened to my kitcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?" came a horrible cry from downstairs. Everyone got pale.

J. Marie was back...

_**New chapter coming up soon!**_


	5. The End

**I don't own any WWE superstars, but the kids are real and J. Marie is me!**

_**Chapter 5: The End**_

I walked into my house and I didn't hear a thing. That was my first clue that something just wasn't right. Usually, when I leave the kids with a babysitter, by the time I get back, the kids are all sitting quietly in the living room waiting for me with some explanation as to why the babysitter left them alone. I know they're not the most well-behaved kids when I'm gone, but I love them to death. And that's why I got so nervous when I walked into my house and they weren't waiting where they usually wait when I leave them with a babysitter.

"Kids?" I called, stepping fully into the house and locking the door behind me. I took a few cautious steps into the house and looked around. Everything looked normal in the living room, except, of course, for the missing kids.

"Taker?" I called, walking out of the living room and looking down the hallway. Something about the kitchen door looked funny. Weird... I walked down the hall to the end and stepped into the kitchen, and immediately I fell down _through_ the floor.

It's a good thing I'm so darn graceful...

I looked up through what used to be my kitchen floor and my basement ceiling. _Ok, J. Marie. You will NOT panic. You will NOT get mad. You will NOT curse, and you will NOT go fucking ballistic_, I told myself. But it was no use, because my blood was boiling now.

"What the bloody hell happened to my kitcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeen?" I screamed at the top of my lungs. My cry shook the house, and a little plaster fell from what remained of the basement ceiling. The place was a total mess, this place that I had worked so hard for.

All of a sudden, there was a loud _POP_, and then they all appeared before me: Taker, Keysia, AJ, Lonzo, Randy, Dino, Randy Orton, Jerry "The King" Lawler, Jim Ross, and... _the devil_?

"First things first. What the fucking hell happened to my damn house?" I screeched, letting a string of obscenities fly out of my mouth and not even noticing or caring.

Taker bit his lip nervously. "Well, J. Marie, what happened was... Well, I couldn't control the kids, and then the floor went away and then the devil came and then... I'm sorry!"

Keysia put her hand on Taker's leg. "It's ok, Mr. Undertaker, sir," she said quietly. "You don't have to cover up the truth."

"But I'm not covering up the truth," Taker said, looking and sounding bewildered.

Dino kicked Taker to make him shut up, then started crying and ran over to me with outstretched arms.

"Oh, what's the matter, baby?" I asked, picking Dino up. "Who did it?"

Dino rubbed his tear-filled brown eyes, and his lip trembled as he pointed over at the devil. "He did it, Auntie. He messed up the house and made Dino cry!" Then he hid his face near my neck, as if he was afraid of the devil.

"Is that the truth?" I asked Lonzo, rubbing Dino comfortingly on the back. "Did the devil make this huge mess?"

"Yes, Auntie," Lonzo said, nodding. The devil's mouth dropped, but Lonzo went on. "We were all just having fun together when the devil came and blew everything up."

"No I didn't!" the devil exclaimed.

"Yes you did!" Randy yelled, sudden tears brimming his eyes. _My_ Randy never cried, so I knew it had to be true. "We were playing a game and then the devil came and said he was going to take us to that hot place!" He ran to me and threw his arms around my legs, crying.

"Oh, don't cry, honey," I whispered to Randy. I glared at the devil. "You see what you did, you bastard? You're making my nephews cry _and_ you destroyed my house!"

"I did _not_!" the devil protested. "That all happened before I came here! Taker did it!"

"Taker? Is that true?" I asked, turning at critical eye to Taker.

"Actually," Taker began, but AJ interrupted him.

"No, Auntie, that's not true. Taker was telling us wrestling stories when we heard this big boom, and then the devil started bothering us!" AJ said.

"Yeah!" Keysia agreed. "And he said that if Taker didn't win his match, he was going to take us down to h-h-hell."

"Oh, you poor kids!" I said sympathetically. I walked over to Taker and handed Dino to him, who was still sniffling. Dino kicked him hard in the stomach and Taker put him down next to his brothers. I turned to the devil and walked over to him with a purpose.

"J. Marie looks pissed off!" King said gleefully. "This is gonna be greeeeeat!"

"If you say so, Tony the Tiger," J.R. said with a slight laugh. "Oh, look, King, the devil is cowering in fear!"

"Please don't hurt me," the devil whispered as I came to a stop in front of him with my hands on my hips.

"Hurt you? What reason could I possibly have to want to _hurt_ you?" I asked. I didn't wait for him to speak. He didn't deserve the opportunity. "I mean, you only _ruined_ my house and made my nephews cry. You only threatened to take them away from me and down into hell. You only tried to make me think that Taker couldn't control the kids..." My voice trailed off, and I just had to do it. I slapped the hell out of him.

The kids all snickered softly. I heard them, and it made me laugh, too.

"Damn, J. Marie, where did you learn to deliver a bitch-slap like that?" Taker asked.

I turned around and smiled briefly at him. "I took lessons from the best... Stephanie McMahon."

"Ohhhh." Taker nodded in comprehension. "Yeah, she's got one hell of a slap..."

"I know," I said, then turned back to the devil. "Now, what should I do with you?"

"Let me go, smile, and be happy?" the devil suggested hopefully.

"NO!" I exclaimed. "I _think_ you're going to fix my house, and I _think_ you're going to apologize to these kids and their hot, muscular, sexy..." I looked at Taker and licked my lips before turning to look at the devil again. "...babysitter."

"Done," the devil said, snapping his fingers.

Just like that, my whole house was repaired. But that wasn't enough. "Now apologize," I said, and he did.

"Now can I go?" the devil pleaded, tears streaming down his face.

"Geez, what a wimp. Sure, you can go now," I told him. "And don't ever show your ugly face around here again!"

"I won't, I promise!" the devil promised. "As a matter of fact, I think I need to go to church on Sunday... And to my psychiatrist on Monday..." And he disappeared into thin air, talking to himself.

We all stood there in silence, looking at each other. No one really knew what to say.

J.R. broke the silence first. "Well, King, all I have to say for the devil is _good riddance_!"

"Same here," King said as the two commentators headed out of the basement. "Same here..."

Randy Orton, Taker, and the kids all looked at me. "I think I'm going to need a babysitter for tomorrow night," I said thoughtfully. Taker had a hopeful look on his face, but instead, I turned to Randy Orton. "Hey, Candy Pants... I mean, Randy... Do you think you're going to be free tomorrow night?"

"Uh, sure, I'll be free," Randy said, scratching his head. "Why? What's up?"

"I need you to baby-sit the kids," I said simply. I walked over and stood next to Taker, who looked kind of sad all of a sudden.

"Sure, I'll _baby-sit the kids_," Randy said, rubbing it in as Taker looked on, obviously upset that I had chosen Randy Orton instead of him.

"Awesome," I said, putting my arm around Taker's waist. "Because I have a date with this sexy legend right here tomorrow night, and I think it's gonna be an all-nighter..."

"An all-nighter?" Randy gulped. "You mean I'm gonna be babysitting _all night_?"

"That's right," I answered as Taker smiled at me. "You get to spend the night with the kids while _I_ get to spend the night with this sexy guy."

"The _whole_ night?" Taker asked, putting an arm around my shoulder and pulling me to him protectively.

"You can bet your _life_ on it," I replied, beaming at him.

"We're going to have so much fun, aren't we?" Keysia said, grinning deviously and looking at the boys.

"Oh yeah, a hell of a lot of fun," AJ agreed.

"We're gonna have a kick-ass good time!" Lonzo said happily.

"Yeah, a kick-ass good time!" Randy agreed.

"Gimme a hell yeah!" Dino said happily, clapping.

"Hell yeah!" all five of them said. They all looked at their babysitter for the next night and smiled evilly.

"Wait till we break out the slingshot thongs," Lonzo whispered. "We're going to pelt you with more wet tampons than we've ever pelted _any_ of our other babysitters _combined_!"

Randy Orton went pale. "Oh no," he muttered.

Everyone laughed at the look on his face. Randy Orton was going to be in for one _hell_ of a night!

_**And that's the end, folks! It took me FOREVER to update this, and now I'm done! Maybe there will be a story entitled "Randy Orton's Babysitting Adventure" but I really can't start a new story right now. I have soooo many other stories to update! Peace!**_


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